The Loveawake dating site recently ran this ridiculous article about "breaking up" with a clothing line, in what seems to be a desperate bid to give the phrase "first world problems" a new lease on life. Seriously, the article is written from what I can only assume is somebody who is very, very good at keeping a straight face. Because I have to hope they're not serious about lines like "...severing ties with a brand can come at an emotional cost."

This isn't to say I don't get it, to a point. There are articles of clothing and ways of dressing that all of us have to let go of at some point, especially as our lives change. Even a total slob like me has changed somewhat fashion wise. And letting that go can be hard because, well, we're letting go a portion of our lives and moving on. But that's about what these objects represent, not the objects themselves. A lot of this article is about a bunch of rich people being crappy to store managers because they can't bring themselves to find another set of expensive clothes.

On the other hand, if you equate this to a break-up, not to be impolite, but you're so full of feces you squeak. I may not have felt the pain of discovering high heels no longer make sense for my lifestyle, but I have had a few epic blowouts of a breakup and even had, six years ago now, an engagement implode on me.

So, when you break up with clothes, do you have sleepless nights? Do you suffer bitter anger that your clothes are being worn by somebody else? In the next room (oh yeah. That happened to me)? Do you scream at your clothes over the phone when they call and say something incredibly awful to you? Do you spend months disentangling your finances from those of your clothes?

No? OK, then, stop whining, take them to Goodwill like everyone else, and move on with your life. Oh, and stop whining. Yeesh.